a new chapter :)

wow it's july!!!! after the 4th it always seems like it's downhill from there... school will start for kids again, fball season, fairs, leaves change colors, pull out winter clothes, MY BIRTHDAY, thanksgiving, christmas. ok. so maybe thats jumping the gun, but it's upon us.

just as the weather and months change so is my life. (feel free to skip down halfway to the bold text haha)
if you would have told me months ago i would be where i'm at right now i would never have thought so much could happen in so little of time...but i would have been wrong.
coming back from africa was a huge adjustment; i came back to america knowing i would be looking for a place to live right away, jumping into the rest of my maid-of-honor duties, catching up at work,and wrapping my mind around all that god had shown me in africa. did i mention i was moving in the midst of all this?! this was at the end of march beginning of april. just as i am feeling settled in my new room, and life is starting to come together, my boss tells me that is has to let me go at the photography studio. this came as a huge surprise...but to be honest, i wasn't angry or hurt. i felt free. since moving our studio to a new location earlier in the year and then upon be arriving back from africa, i found myself asking the question- is this it?! this is my life? i wanted to be a part of something so much bigger than myself- i wouldn't have left my job- but god has other plans. so after the shock and some tears, not to mention i had to tell my mom the next day, on mother's day :/ (mom, next year i promise i will have better news!!) i picked myself up and decided the world was at my fingertips :) what did i want to do?? did i want to move somewhere else?? what did god have planned?? in the meantime i knew i still needed to find some kind of work to do ;) god sure did provide though. i have some of the BEST ppl in my life...i am blessed and humbled by their generous and loving hearts, to put a roof over my head, feed me, provide work for me, listen, and pray for me. i started to do odd jobs- found i am a pretty good painter ;)
i was given a lot of great advice and encouragment from friends and family during that month (may)... you know who you are and i am forever greatful for you and all you have done to get me where i'm at. i never felt alone, or defeated. i knew god would see me through this, he only gives us what we can handle right? ;) i took a lot of deep breaths, had many nights where i would just think what the heck am i gonna do?! but today i can tell you i didn't need or do anything but just believe and trust in god the best i could.
the week after memorial day wknd i woke up on a tues. and thought, i still don't have a job! - (it's funny to me that i had not had a job the whole time previous to that but it had not dawned on me till THAT MORNING! ;)
i had been applying to jobs and thinking about nannying for the summer just to buy some time but nothing had happened yet. i should mention that before i got let go at the studio i had been planning a trip to portland,or in september. i have a great friend out there, jacob, and bless his heart he has been telling me to come visit for the past 5 years he has been there ;) it had just never been the right time for me- i had college, or a relationship, a job, etc. well the night i lost my job all i could think about was how much i wanted to go to portland. for real, as i am sitting there talking to dave (my boss) my mind is off dreaming ha
so back to the tuesday morning i woke up remembering i don't have a job- i was sitting in bed looking at airline tickets to portland haha ok not as weird as it sounds, i get updates when there are good deals ;)
jacob and i had talked about sept. like i said but a good friend my mine encouraged me i should go out earlier, before i got a job. there were some dates in july i had been watching...but even if i found something awesome i couldn't rationalize spending the money when i was unemployed. so i just prayed about it, god knew my heart and what i wanted, i told him that if i wasn't supposed to go to please just close that door- let me move on and just focus on the next step. i also prayed for a job- i was waiting to hear back from a couple ppl about nannying. are u ready?! if you were reading a book this is the chapter that you wake up for, that gets your heart beating fast!!! eeeekk :D i get excited all over again thinking about it!! ok ok. i'll tell you ;)
that same tuesday morning i prayed i went to german village to clean for a couple i know. they are so wonderful. we always catch up with what's going on in eachother's life, and they know alll about africa, the studio, portland, etc. that day carolyn asked me how things were going, if i had found any new leads, how my portland plans were turning out... i told her i was still waiting to hear back from some ppl about nannying, and that i still wanted to go to portland but if it didn't happen right now it was ok, afterall it wasn't a priority- just a want. she started telling me about her regret that she never studied abroad while in school and that if i have the chance to do something right now in life that i should do it- kinda like my trip to africa :) i totally agreed!! i'm a dreamer. everything is possible. hense the reason i was looking at flights still that same morning haha well, i am getting ready to leave their house and carolyn says, ash are you ok? i say yeah i'm ok, and she says no- are you ok financially right now? and i tell her, yeah right now i'm ok- in about 3 wks. i won't be ok but right now yeah- i won't be buying any tickets to portland anytime soon but im ok :) she looks at me and says well, i want you to tell me if you find a good deal to portland, i will buy you a ticket. (pretty sure my heart stopped) i said no, i can't let you guys do that! she said well we want to help in any little way we can, promise me you will call me and let me know if you find something. (i'm in shock and not sure if my heart is beating again) i finally promised her, and left their house humbled and greatful. oh p.s. i had 2 missed calls from families wanting a nanny as well ;) wow. i drove home speechless. actually that's not true, all i could do was thank god :)

i could continue to write chapter after chapter right now about what god is doing in my life. although i don't have all the answers, i have been blessed to have him just provide and love on me so much. i feel so ready for the next chapter of my life!!
i leave for portland next week, for a week :) i am beyond excited!! it's like the joy of christmas morning is bottled up inside me!! haha

i want to share one of my fav. songs right now:


god is the way. your dreams are possible. we need to have a childlike faith- children believe with simple hearts- knowing if they ask, it will be provided.

the following is from one of my devos last week:
“If you want to know what God really wants you to do, ask him . . . but if you don’t ask in faith, don’t expect the Lord to give you any solid answer.” James 1:5-6 (LB)
God wants to direct you in life, but two things need to line up: You have to ask the right person—God—and you have to ask with the right attitude—in faith—expecting an answer.
Have you ever asked God for something and didn’t expect to get it? That’s why you didn’t get it. God works in our lives according to faith. So many times we say, “God, please guide me!” and walk away not even waiting for guidance. We just immediately start to work. We say, “God, I want you to give me wisdom. Help me make the right decision.” But we don’t really expect Him to do that. We think it all depends on us.
God has promised to give us wisdom, if we will ask. Wisdom is seeing life from God’s point of view. Wisdom is the ability to make decisions the way God makes decisions.
Think about this: God never makes a bad decision. He never makes a mistake. He says if we trust Him and listen to Him, He will guide us. But we must ask in faith.

i hope you have an amazing wknd :) let god show you how MUCH he loves YOU!!! it's ok to ask him. he's waiting.
stay tuned.